Release and Be at Peace

Should I or shouldn’t I? I want to say something, I know what to say, but I’m too nervous or afraid to say it. Why? Because I don’t want to rock the boat. I’m worried that she/he won’t be able to handle the truth (or want to hear it). I don’t want to hurt her/his feelings. I don’t want to piss them off. I can’t handle any bad vibes between us. I hate confrontation

The last thing we want to do is ruin the peace in a situation like this. After all, we have to work with, live with, play with, deal with, and communicate with this person/these people, etc., so it’s better to just zip the lips and keep quiet, right? At least that’s what we tell ourselves, isn’t it?

There are some that don’t have any trouble saying what’s on their minds. I admire people who can do this. So what if we actually did say the things that we think about saying, but are afraid to say?

When deciding whether or not to say what’s on our mind or filter it out for the person (or group) we are talking to, why not go ahead and just say it?

We all know what happens if we don’t get it out. There’s actually not all peace in keeping quiet. The thoughts twist and turn inside. The feelings build. The pressure rises. Then not only do we lose our cool but we can lose our perspective too. And then when we finally do speak up, we blow, and the truth of what we really had to say has completely flown out the window.

When we’re being real and speaking in meaningful ways, we shouldn’t be afraid to tell someone how we truly feel because when we’re coming from this state, we’re not thinking about whether what we’re doing is right or wrong, appropriate or not appropriate. We can act completely natural and not be so nervous about telling someone how we really feel or asking for something we need. We can say it sooner rather than later… before those feelings take over. Speak up when things are being seen more clearly instead of clouded with frustration… Release and be at peace.

So say what you want to say. Maybe if we all started saying the things we think but don’t say, the lines of communication wouldn’t get crossed or be full of interference. Just remember to say it carefully, with concern, and with a motive that’s constructive and not destructive.

Ok, so the next time this situation happens I’ll just say what’s on my mind without overthinking it…

Well… maybe.   : )

“When you give yourself permission to communicate what matters to you in every situation you will have peace despite rejection or disapproval. Putting a voice to your soul helps you to let go of the negative energy of fear and regret.” ~Shannon L. Alder

 

“No.”

Here’s a situation I know everyone can identify with… someone asks you to do something that you really don’t want to do. Or you honestly just don’t have the time. It might be helping somebody move, a type of fundraiser, going on a date, or working over the weekend.

If you say no you feel like you will let the other person down. You start to feel guilty already and you haven’t even responded yet! Sometimes we put others’ time on higher priority than our own, feeling that we need to bend over backwards to do what others want, even if it’s an inconvenience to us.

So you say, “Ok, sure,” even though agreeing to do whatever it is will frustrate you and put you under a lot of stress. And you know that you will probably end up resenting whatever you said you’d do. Then maybe end up not doing a great job or not being so nice when doing whatever it is because your heart’s just not in it. BUT… in any case, you agree to do it, don’t ya?

Why are we so afraid to tell people “No”? For some reason, we have been taught that saying “No” is not being a good person, or it’s disrespectful and insulting.

But “No” is actually one of the healthiest words we can say. When you tell someone “No” you are valuing your time and priorities and aren’t willing to take away from the truly important things in your life.

A little selfishness is necessary if you want to maintain a balanced and sane life. You’re also saying that you understand and accept your own limits. The last thing you want to do is overwhelm yourself or do a half-assed job.

We need to find a way to say “No” without dragging up all of those hidden fears of thinking others will judge you as lazy or selfish, or have no concern for other people’s needs.

So how do you say “No” without insulting the other person, feeling consumed with guilt, or hurting your own credibility? Well, here are 10 ways to say “No”.

1. “I can’t right now, but I might be able to later.”

If you really want to help the person but don’t have time now, tell them that, then offer to do it another time… if they can’t wait till you can help they’ll find someone else.

2. “I can’t, but I know someone that can.”

If you aren’t available to help out, suggest someone else that you know that would be willing to do it instead.

3. “I’m really not the most qualified for that job.”

If you feel like you don’t have enough skills to do the job, it’s better to admit your limitations up front than feel overwhelmed later.

4. “I have another commitment.”

It really doesn’t matter what that commitment is; it could be a doctor appointment, yard work you planned to do that day, or take your daughter clothes shopping. The point is, you aren’t available.

5. “I’ve had a few things come up that I really need to deal with first.”

Unexpected things can happen that really throw off your schedule, so accept that you don’t have the time and may need to make a few adjustments until your life gets back on track again.

6. “I can’t do that, but I can help you do something else.”

If someone asks you to do something you really hate to do, then just say that you can’t. But then you can offer to help with something else you like to do or don’t feel so negatively about.

7. “I’ve learned from the past that that isn’t one of my strong suits.”

You’re just admitting that you have limitations, which actually makes you stronger. Knowing what you can handle and what you can’t is a good thing.

8. “I’m not comfortable with doing that.”

Sometimes you feel uncomfortable being around the people that you know are going to be involved or just uncomfortable with the job because of personal values. Saying you’re not comfortable with something is a very respectful way to avoid a sticky situation.

9. “I honestly don’t want to take on any new projects right now.”

This doesn’t mean you won’t ever help this person out in the future, it’s just that you know your schedule is pretty full right now and you don’t have any extra time on your hands at the moment.

10. “No.”

Sometimes it’s okay to say “No!” Just make sure that you say it in a polite and respectful way, which leaves the door open for good relationships with others going forward.